The memories that I have of my parents are few and very vague. The older I got the more I wanted to know about them. Still to this date that desire never diminishes. But I’m at a disadvantage, because when I inquire and research information about them, I am mostly faced with dead ends; like “I don’t remember.” I find it to be very frustrating, especially now as I venture on this encore journey in my life. I’ve learned that “those who are unaware of history are destined to repeat it” (George Santayana).
One thing I do vividly remember is the day (September 01, 1968) my Father died. He was outside of our home working underneath one of his cars. The jack slipped and the car fell on him. Because it was early in the morning and no one else outside, he was left in that position for some time. We were inside the home and my Mother was cooking breakfast. She asked my Aunt Shirley to go outside to let him know that breakfast was ready. I can still hear her scream; it was heart wrenching. I vividly remember when the ambulance finally arrived and they pulled him from underneath the car. By the way his face was dark and dirty, I knew it was bad.
What I didn’t remember, but it was told to me later on in my life, that on this same day, my Mother was taking my Sister and I to relocate to Suitland, Maryland to live with her Cousin Micky. Apparently, she felt she needed a change and was taking a step to move out of East St. Louis, Illinois. Of course because of my Father’s death, her plan was delayed; but we did move to Suitland, Maryland. Now, what is unbeknownst to me to this date is why she returned and 1 ½ years later her life ended (March 04, 1970) in East St. Louis, Illinois.
Fast forward to my senior year in high school (Lincoln Senior High) I remember writing as my plan for the future in my Senior Memory Book was to move out of East St. Louis and never return to make it my home. The Fall (1980) after graduating from high school, I left East St. Louis to go to college (Eastern Illinois University). I now understand that my goal for going to college was not to pursue a degree. My goal was solely to move out of East St. Louis and going to college would provide me with that opportunity. Though I accomplished my goal to move away, three (3) years later (Summer, 1983) I felt forced to return, when I found myself unwed, unloved and pregnant with my Son.
I was still successful with my moving away plans. I moved away from East St. Louis in April, 1987 and relocated to Oakland, California to live with my Sister; who has lived a nomadic lifestyle all of her adult life. She had been living there for one year and I guess was sick of hearing about my challenges of finding employment; she continued to highly encourage me to make a change and join her in California. I felt like I was unable to progress in East St. Louis; so out of desperation, I purchased one-way tickets for me and my son and we relocated to Oakland, California.
My Son and I were there for 1 ½ years and my sister decided to move back to East St. Louis! Well, I had been successful in securing a job with the federal government and moving back was not a desire or an option for me. So we stayed and lived there for 9 years. Through observational learning from my Sister, who in 9 years had lived in many other places, I was inspired to explore the nomad lifestyle, when I was informed that my federal position was being reassigned to Chicago, Illinois. So, I requested to relocate along with it and was granted the opportunity (March, 1996).
Even though we lived in Chicago for almost 20 years, I feel it was not a good move for me. It required me to tap into all of my survival skills. My professional experience was in a career destructive environment where I had to enhance my abilities and learn tactical techniques to avoid fatal interactions with leadership abuse on a daily base. This professional challenge did motivate me to re-enter in college to finish (Summer, 2006) the Bachelor degree that I failed to achieve during my first tenure.
After 15 years of utilizing my strength, energy and fighting the will to keep hope; along with my completion of raising my son as a single parent, I found myself needing a change. Again, I decided the best way out would be to go to college and pursue a Master degree (Fall, 2011). This time my ultimate goal was to not only pursue a Master degree, but to maximize on every opportunity that I could explore that would take me to levels that I never imagined!
I studied abroad (Fall, 2013) to South Africa for my final semester of graduate school. I returned to Chicago, Illinois and almost 2 years later I felt the need for a change; especially for warmer climate. Again fortunately, my Sister was in the position to be my rescue! She had been living in the Washington, DC area and working at the Pentagon for six (6) years and accepted a position at the Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana. Now that I had adapted the nomad lifestyle, I informed her of my desire to join her in Louisiana. This time I was flying solo as an empty-nester and again she accepted me (October, 2015)!
For whatever reasons, my Sister and I both have chosen the path of constant change; nomad lifestyles. We understand that everything is temporary and nothing is yours. The greatest benefit of it all on this path has increased our adaptability and generated great learning experiences. We have been exposed to many lifestyles, cultures and situations.
I wish I had the opportunity to talk with my Mother to understand her thoughts, feelings and lessons, when she decided to seek a change and leave East St. Louis; ultimately, her decision to return. I believe this information would have been helpful to both me and my Sister and possibly improved our path of the constant learning process.
Life Lesson – I’ve come to learn that “It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others” (Zen Proverb).