Another characteristic of my family’s culture is plagued in control; endowed in loyalty. My family strongly believe that:
This belief demands total allegiance to the family culture and requires ignoring family imperfections and reverting them into righteousness. Any separations from these practices are threatening.
I’ve come to learn that believing things are fine, when they are not is an emotional form of denial. I’ve come to learn there is a difference in loyalty and blind loyalty. Loyalty is a strong feeling of support. Blind loyalty is the deception that an action is right just because a person of authority says it’s right. I’ve come to learn the beliefs that my family embrace, practice and promotes are blind loyalty; which I find to be oppressive. For these reasons, my family considers me to be a “crazy traitor.”
Because of my need to abandon the habits and practices of my family’s unhealthy generations, I chose to isolate myself from some of my blood-related family members. Driven by my natural instinct “to be the change I want to see;” Not only do I accept my family’s label of a “crazy traitor,” but I HONOR it! It says that I have the ability to become enriched, fulfilled and loyal to my own experiences! I choose to explore and embrace new and positive reasoning and beliefs.
I am have learned to make conscious efforts not to repeat the pattern of encouraging or promoting blind loyalty. I must allow my Son to rethink my parental ways, devise different strategies for managing his family and trust him to make good decisions. I am learning my place as a GrandMother; in lieu of a Mother. I have to catch myself from imposing my views on my Son and Daughter-In-Law. I’ve had to recognize that our circumstances are different; I raised my Son as a single parent and they are a two-parent family. Things I did, they don’t have to do. The best support I can give them is PRAYER. I pray they are much better parents than I could ever comprehend.
I will be honest to admit, this is easier said than done. I am and always will be a Mother; so it’s hard to turn it off. Though, I’m learning to pray for them, I will still express my thoughts and feelings; knowing that they have the option to embrace them or not. In order to deal with this challenge, coupled with the desire to remove myself from Chicago brutal winters, I felt it would be best to put distance between us and live far away. The distance would help me to stay in my lane and execute a