Lesson to Learn – To Get What You Want, Learn to Give It

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We’re living in a self-absorbed world, where everyone wants what they want.  Too many times in my life, I’ve witnessed and experienced people in situations where people want what want, but are not willing to give it.

My first realization was during my pledge processes in undergraduate school at Eastern Illinois University.  Many times, I have witnessed a person as a Pledgee and considered to be the weakest link to become a Big Sister/Brother and the strongest Enforcer.  They dished out, what they struggled to take.

I have witnessed this challenge as a parent.  For example, I’ve watched children during role play; where they would play house/school.  The child that struggles to follow the rules (neglecter), becomes an enforcer, when placed in an authoritative position.

It’s a common practice for Teachers to give extra responsibilities to the child that misbehaves; as a distraction.  I’ve used it myself while working as a Substitute Teacher.  For example, I have given the child who misbehaves a helping privilege to pass out paper/pencils.  When they were done and back in their seat, another child says, “Ms. Lawrence, I did not get any paper/pencil.”  I asked the child that passed out the paper, “Why didn’t you give him any paper/pencil?”  Their response was, “He was talking, when I got to him!”  I’m THINKING, “You are strong; that’s all you do is talk!  That’s the only reason I gave you the task; as a attempt to keep you from talking!”  In turn, I SAY, “Please give him the paper/pencil!”

I’ve witnessed this practice most often in the work environment.  For example, a person performance in a subordinate position is inadequate; mainly because they spend less time working and more time groveling with management.  Yet, their groveling usually results in being advantageous and most times they are promoted.  When they are promoted, they become toxic; as a technique to mask their uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy.

For long as I can remember, I’ve tried to utilize the practice of “giving what I want” in every phase of my life, but have come to understand this can be a challenge for some.  These situations have made me aware of the NEED to teach, learn, encourage and promote the ability to “give what you want.”

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I want to encourage others to take time to stop and think before you proceed.  Take time to reflect on yourself, when you were in these same positions, “were you able to meet the goals you are currently expecting of others?”

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I want to encourage others, when you see children role playing and they are performing differently than they perform in those same situation, use it as a teaching moment and bring it to their attention.  “See how now that you are the (authority), you want your (subordinates) to perform?  This is how I expect you to perform, when you venture back to real life; act appropriately.”

I want to encourage teachers to stop granting privilege tasks to misbehaving students.  Use these opportunities as a teaching moment; for students to learn to “earn” a privilege.  For example, “If you are on good behavior today, I will allow you to pass out the paper/pencils tomorrow.”

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I want to encourage people in the work force to lead by example.  Though you may be in management, take time to reflect on when you were in these subordinate positions.  This practice can encourage relationship focused success, increase productivity, morale and loyalty.

One of My Proud Parent Moments

My Son was consistently engaged in swimming from age 9 years old until high school.  By the time he got to high school, he almost hated swimming and his behavior was accordingly.  He had a challenging relationship with his Swim Coach; he had nothing good to say about the Swim Coach and the Swim Coach had nothing good to say about him.

When he turned 16 (working age), he started working as a Swim Instructor and he was amazing.  I was not aware until parents came to me saying, “Your Son is an amazing Swim Instructor!  He is so patient and my child is learning so much with him!”  One parent went on to explain, “The instructors usually stand by the pool and give instructions.  It appeared that my Son was not understanding and immediately Daniel took off his shirt and got in the pool to show him!  As long as I have been coming here, I’ve never seen an Instructor get in the pool!”

I was surprised, because my Son had become so negative about swimming.  I was overjoyed to hear something positive.

The crowning of the moment was when the Swim Coach came to me and said, “I must admit, Daniel is an amazing Swim Instructor!  I was astounded to see the way he worked with the children!  He is so patient and attentive; unlike himself.”  He went on to add a little shade by saying, “I see now, he doesn’t want to follow the rules, he wants to give the rules.”

Despite the shade and through it all, what stood out most for me was “how” he performed.  He did not give the same negativity that he felt he had been receiving.  I was honored to discover that my Son had learned and was able to “give what he wanted!”

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I’m proud to announce that My Son is still performing as an amazing Swim Instructor in his own organization that he has named “Swim Like Magic.”  You can check out his work on his Facebook page – Swim Like Magic

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Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

Taking Time to Read with Children is Required Customer Service

We are living in the day where customer service is becoming extinct.

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I remember the time when you would go to the gas station and receive full service; not only would the attendant pump your gas, but wash your front window shield and check your oil.  Then the self service lane became an option; you could receive full service OR pump your own gas.  Now we are living in the day, where there is no more full service; it’s totally self-service and service attendants are extinct.

We are currently seeing the same thing happening in the checkout lanes in the stores.  It used to be cashiers on every lane.  Now, self-checkout is an option; you can go to the cashier or use the self-checkout to check yourself out.  I can clearly see we are moving to the day where it will be totally self-checkout lanes and cashiers will be extinct.

I see the same thing happening at the airport.  Man, how things have changed at the airport; everything that used to be inclusive is now a’ la carte.  It used to be when you bought your airplane ticket, you would receive all inclusive service; including a meal.  Now, there is a fee to check your bags, a fee to assign your seat, a fee to sit in the exit row and a fee to eat food on the plane.  Also, there is the option to check in with the ticket agent or self-check in on the kiosk or online.  I’m sure we are moving to the day where it will be totally self-check out option and ticket agents will be extinct.

The same thing is happening in education.  In order for a child to learn to read, they were taught phonics in school.  When I became a parent and my son struggled with his reading skill, I learned that teaching in school had changed and phonics was no longer being taught in schools.  Today parent-teaching is a requirement.  I struggled with constantly being told that I needed to read with my son for 30 minutes everyday.  I kept thinking, “Nobody ever read with me for 30 minutes and I still learned how to read.”

Through this experience, I’ve learned the best gift a parent can give a child today is to take the time to read with them everyday for 30 minutes; it’s imperative.  If you have a child in school (especially elementary) and you are not reading with each of them for 30 minutes a day, you are doing your child(ren) a disservice.  The task of children learning to read solely in school has become extinct.

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Your children are your customers in your family business and building a relationship is key to learning their needs.  Communication is key to building a customer relationship with your children.  Taking out time to read with them and engaging them in story can help strengthen communication skills.  This will not only enhance your relationship with your child(ren), but improve their reading skills, build their confidence, independence and self-worth.

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If you are a parent and desire for your family business to prosper, you MUST maintain customer service by taking out time to read with your children at least 30 minutes a day!  Hopefully, parent’s desire to raise children to grow up, become independent and do AWESOME things has not become extinct.

Until next time…